Do you hate things that look like girls and have voices that sound like chipmunks?

Well...so do I.

And THAT is why I have decided to wage war against the Hanson brothers.


You know the drill...first we will discuss some advantages.

Good 'Ole Bob

1. Bob can pull their hair.
2. Bob can run them down with a train.
3. Bob can hit them with a spatula.
4. Bob can get them in trouble and have their mom spank them.
5. Bob can push them off the swings.

Yucky Nasty Hanson

1. Hanson can scare Bob to death with their singing.
2. Hanson can emmit loud, high-pitched squeals to drive Bob insane.
3. Hanson can show Bob the video to "MmmBop" and reduce her will to live.
4. Hanson can hit Bob with their instruments.
5. Hanson can tie Bob to a chair and make her listen to their CD.


Here we go.

Bob: Wow. I am really tired after all that hassle with those Spice Twerps. I need some calming music.
::Bob turns on the radio::
Bob: Ahh...some nice peaceful Oasis. I think I'll just lie in my hammock, with my lemonade, listening to this delightful stuff.
::Bob is almost asleep when...::
Radio DJ: We now bring you a new selection from the wonderful Hanson brothers!
::Bob sits bolt upright::
Bob: WHAT!!?!?
Radio DJ: Hanson was one of our most requested artists today!
Bob: NO!
Radio DJ: Yesss! That's right folks!
Bob: ANYTHING but MmmmBop!
Radio DJ: And heeeeeere's MmmmBop!
Bob: NO! NO! NO!
Radio: Mmmmbop! Duuuwop!
::Bob is going insane::
Bob: STOP! STOP SINGING! PLEASE!
Radio: Mmmmmbop! Duuuuwop!
::Bob grabs a tree, pulls it out of the ground, and hits the radio with it::
Radio: .............
Bob: Wow. Adrenaline does great things.
::Bob turns her back to the radio as she drinks some lemonade::
Radio: (Faintly) ....*crackle*...Mmmbop...*crackle*...Duuuuwop!
Bob: ACK!
Radio: MmmmmmBOP! DuuuuuWOP!
Bob: HUSH! BE QUIET!
::The radio starts to shake::
Bob: IT'S POSSESED! SAVE ME!!!
::Suddenly, out of the speaker pops the three Hanson brothers::
Hansons: MmmmmmBOP! Duuuuuwop!!
Bob: Ack! I knew that thing was evil the minute I bought it!
Zac: Hiya Bob!
Taylor: Hiya Bob!
Isaac: Hiya Bob!
::Hansons reach out to give Bob a pat on the back::
Bob: DON'T touch me!
::Suddenly Bob whips out her secret weapon::
Bob: BACK, EVIL THINGS! Or I shall beat you down with my SPATULA!
Zac: Oooooh a SPATULA! Watch out guys! It might hit you and then you would die!
Hansons: Hahahahahahahaa!! HAHHAA!
::Bob's eyes glaze over::
Bob: (Politely)Excuse me. Did you just insult my spatula?
::The Hansons are still laughing at themselves::

WHAP!


Sports Announcer #1: Oooh, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's a hit to the Hansons with Bob's spatula! Oooh that's gotta smart!
Sports Announcer #2: That's right, Randy, the Hansons are reeling!

BONK!


Sports announcer #1 OWCH! That's got to HURT, people! The Hansons just smacked Bob with a keyboard!
Sports announcer #2 Bob is reeling....But she's coming back with her trusty spatula!

WHAP! BOOM! ZONK! KRETCH! BLAMMO! BANG! SMACK!

Sports announcer #1: I do believe Bob has beaten the Hansons!
Medic Man: The Hansons have all flatlined! We're not going to recusitate them, however, as it would be a crime against modern humankind.

And so...
Once again...
Bob has triumphed over evil.

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