Okay...Many of you know of my intense hatred for Hanson, the Spice Girls, and so forth. Well...I have decided to make a stand! This train engineer is now waging war.
It's a new idea, so it may take awhile to completely develop. But check here every once in a while just to see how it's going.
First...we will discuss what either side has for itself. I will *try* (cough cough) not to be judgemental...
Now Bob has many advantages.
Now we will discuss some of the advantages of the Spice Squirrels..erm..I mean..girls.
Oh man, I think I am going to lose me lunch! *Insert barfing sound here*
Here we go....
Bob: Here it is, a nice sunny day. It's so super that I can lie here in my wonderful hammock and just listen to the peaceful sounds of springtime.
::insert birds chirping, breezes blowing, and Spice Girls singing faintly::
Bob: Ahhh...the sounds of springtime...birds chirping, breezes blowing, and dying cats....DYING CATS!?! WHAT!?!?
::the singing gets louder::
Bob: Oh no! Someone should help the poor things! People are SO inhumane these days!
::Bob gets off the hammock and runs toward the sounds of struggle::
Bob: Don't worry, kitties! Bob's here to save you!
::Bob is suddenly, horribly blinded by the sight of 5 girls bouncing around in revealing clothes with lots of makeup::
Spice Girls: Spice up your life!
Bob: My life is decidedly UNspicy. And I intend on making it stay that way!
Spice Girls: If ya wanna be my loverrr...
Bob: Uh..sorry...I'm just not that kind of girl...
::The Spice Girls begin to move in the direction of Bob's trainyard::
Bob: Hey! Hey! Where do you think you're going?!?!
Spice Girls: Zigaziggah!
::Bob stops to ponder this strange answer...Meanwhile, the Spice Girls make their way to the trainyard::
Bob: What is a "zigaziggah"? I haven't ever heard that before...maybe it's a new store? I've got it! It's imported meat!
::Bob suddenly realizes she is alone::
Bob: ACK! My TRAINS!
::Bob runs for the trainyard. When she gets there, she is shocked by the sight of her favorite engine bedecked with ribbons and Pepsi signs::
Emma: Like our new style?
Geri: Hahaha...You've LOST Bob!
::Bob is struggling to deal with this::
Bob: (calmly) Listen up you twerps. Put that engine back the way it was and no one gets hurt.
Spice Girls: Hahahahaha! As if!
::Bob begins to get angry::
Bob: Shut up. Stop it now. I'm warning you.
Geri: Teehee! Be quiet Bob!! This train is the Spice Train!
Bob: Hey Geri...be quiet ok? Or I will reveal your true age.
::Geri looks scared::
Geri: (nervously) I'm a young girl! Why would I care about my age? Teehee?
Bob: Suuuure. Okay guys, here you go..Geri isn't in her 20s...she's actually...
Geri: SHHHH! BE QUIET! We'll take the Spice Train back apart! It'll be the old train!
Bob: Ok. But I'm supervising.
::And so the Spice Girls toil under the hot sun so Geri's real age will not be revealed. Soon, the train is back to normal::
Mel B.: Well, Geri, I hope you're happy.
Geri: Thanks guys, I hope you never have to do this again.
Bob: That won't be necessary. You see, they will already know your real age. GERI'S in her 40s!!!
::Geri crumples to the ground::
Bob: (standing above her) oh yeah. Girl power, buddy!
The Other 4 HEY! You can't do that to her?
Bob: And who, pray tell, is going to stop me??
Other 4: WE ARE!
Bob: Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
::Bob, still laughing, jumps into her engine and revs it up::
Bob: Go ahead. But you'd better start running!
::Bob starts the train moving...The other 4 have not the sense to get off the tracks..and start running for their lives::
*Scene*: The Spice Girls are running as fast as they can in platform shoes down the railroad tracks. There is a train engine slowly gaining on them. Bob keeps leaning out the window and grinning evilly. She toots the whistle every once in a while to make sure the Spice Things know she's still there.
Bob: Come on girls! Faster! FASTER!
::The Spice Girls are beginning to get tired::
::Bob gets a fishing pole and reels them in one by one::
Mr. Policeman: Thanks Bob. These things will now be removed from human society.
Mr. Policeman: They will be put into straightjackets and locked in our most padded rubber room.
Bob: Ah. Thank you, Mr. Policeman!
Mr. Policeman: Thank YOU Bob. Without you, these things would still be at large.
Bob vs. Hanson